Strange Times 147: Profane, Fat Men

I apologize for sending the newsletter out a day late! I was struck down by a vicious stomach bug contracted from my oh-so-generous children. Which reminds me—

You know what’s a lot more fun than a vicious stomach bug? Preordering WESTSIDE LIGHTS, a rollicking waterfront mystery set in the weird, wild, early ‘20s—much like this newsletter—which is guaranteed not to upset your stomach. Unless you eat it, I guess? Please don’t eat my book.

Today we have prudes on the beach, a husband taken to task, and an incredibly obnoxious man in Atlantic City. Put your socked foot in your mouth on…

May 27, 1921

• Mexican socialists have revolted in the State of Michoacan, setting up rule by Soviets and drawing threats of arrest and execution by the national government.

• On the first day of her trial for murdering her husband, Mrs. Nott collapses in court, forcing a recess until she recovers her composure.

• The Weather: Fair today, with moderate temperature; Saturday cloudy, probably showers; gentle variable winds.

A two-piece bathing suit in 1921 was no bikini. Until the early ‘20s, women’s bathing suits included matching shorts or stockings. Chief of Police Tracy—who I’ll assume was Dick Tracy’s uptight brother—is taking issue with the newly-popular, form-fitting, one-piece style.

LONG BEACH, L.I., May 26.—One-piece bathing suits and bald-headed “beach lizards” have been ruled out of Long Beach for the coming season by Chief of Police Tracy.

Women “absolutely must” wear two-piece bathing suits, Police Captain Walter Barriscale said today, in making the announcement of the new regulations, and bald-headed men who come to the beach to stare will get in trouble. It was also understood that the rule would apply also to men who are not bald-headed. Moreover, said Captain Barriscale, women must wear socks. They may blister their backs and necks if they wish, the captain said, but not the lower part of their legs.

A shame that Magistrate Kochendorfer couldn’t sentence all men to live by his ten rules forever, but baby steps are better than nothing.

George Watson, 35 years old, of 126 Fifth Street, Long Island City, formerly a detective on the Long Island Railroad but now out of work, was the first man to be sentenced by Magistrate John Kochendorfer in the Long Island City Police Court to observe the ten rules of conduct for husbands laid down by the magistrate. These ten rules require that the husband shall assist the wife in doing her household duties, help her wash the dishes and mind the children, wait on himself, give his wife one night a week out and get his own meals when his wife is indisposed.

Watson appeared in the Police Court yesterday afternoon on the complaint of his wife Mrs. Margaret Watson. She brought into the courtroom with her four children ranging in ages from 6 years to 8 months. The wife as well as the children were neatly dressed and gave evidence that Mrs. Watson is a careful housewife.

“My husband has been staying out late at nights, coming home all hours after midnight,” complained Mrs. Watson. “He has not beaten me, but he makes a lot of trouble around the house. He has not been giving me any money to support myself and children.”

“I am out of a job now and I have been looking for work,” said Watson. “I will give my wife money as soon as I get any.”

“Perfectly proper for you to look for a job,” said Magistrate Kochendorfer, “but you are not looking for a job at 1 and 2 o’clock in the morning. I order you to get home and help your wife in her work. I have a very good set of rules here for just such men as you are. I sentence you to put on a white apron and help your wife around the house for a week. I am going to turn you over to Miss Mickey, the probation officer in this court. She will acquaint you with the rules I have adopted. You come back here in one week and if I find that you have not lived up to these rules I will send you to the work house.”

Turning to Mrs. Watson, Magistrate Kochendorfer said, “You are to be the boss in your home for a week. Then you come back here and tell me how the plan works out.”

Watson and his wife agreed to follow the instruction of the court. They spent some time in the office of the probation officer where Watson was informed of the ten rules of conduct prescribed by the magistrate.

This article is astonishingly offensive! It’s like Frederick N. Withey took a look at the culture surrounding him in good old 1921 and said, “People have some pretty heinous opinions today, but I think I can outdo them all.” Every sentence is a new sample of stinking blather. This was published on the front page of the New York Times, despite it having no news value beyond, “Random guy says some stuff.” The next time you’re subjected to some bogus social science, remember Fred Withey. People are still peddling this dumb crap today.

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J., MAY 26.—Profane men, fat men and, above all, married men are considered best risks by surety companies, declared Frederick N. Withey, representative of the National Surety Company of New York, at the weekly session of the Kiwanis Club here today.

Profane men, he said, give vent to their “cussedness” by “cussing” and rarely appropriate to their own use other people’s money. Fat men he classed as “good feeders,” who after enjoy a sirloin steak pat their stomachs affectionately, lick their chops and are too satisfied with the world in general to inflict harm on their fellow-men. Married men, because of the love they bear their wives and families, are more honest than bachelors by a ration of 6 to 1, in the opinion of Mr. Withey.

Racially, the speaker declared, the Chinese lead in honesty, but he expressed doubt as to whether this was due to a higher moral standard or to the fact that in the past death had been the penalty for theft in China. Anglo-Saxons, said Mr. Withey, rank next from the standpoint of dependability in conserving the possessions of others. The races of Northern Europe, he asserted, are more honest than those of Southern Europe, but Mr. Withey added: “However, when Ole Olsen goes wrong, he makes a wonderfully thorough job of it.”

In Southern Europe, among the Latin races, Mr. Withey said that thefts were for the most part petty, but they were more numerous than in the other classifications mentioned. Among Jews, he said, statistics showed that environment played a great part. A Jew residing in the East Side of New York, he said, made a very poor risk, but in the average community they were ranked equally with Anglo-Saxons.

As between men and women, from the standpoint of honesty, records compiled by surety statisticians prove that women are far more honest. When they do go wrong, he said, it was either due to vanity and their love of finery or in quest of relief from dire poverty. The “crank” or “nut,” statistics show, makes an excellent risk, but, said Mr. Withey, “beware the sleek, suave, oily person who agrees with everything that is said and rarely if ever expresses and opinion of his own.”

The man who saves was held up as the best risk of all.